Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Chapter 11 Discussion Question #1
I have never made friendships that exist exclusively through cyberspace. The reason I have never done so is because I do not trust people. I have seen to many Dateline NBC, Dr. Phil, To Catch a Predator type shows where the person does not even begin to resemble their online persona. It is to easy for people to lie. I had a friend become very close to a man she met on an online dating service only to find out months after meeting him and becoming sexually involved with him that he was not who he claimed to be. He had a wife and a family. My friend was very upset when she found this out. She found out this information when his wife called her. That was the end of her first online relationship. She continues to meet men online but they never end up being who they embody online in person. I think that if you have to meet people online than you have some problems you need to deal with, within yourself so that you can build self esteem to meet people face to face.
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i think the online medium provides an anonymity that can be quite appealing. add that to the potential to exaggerate one's good qualities while downplaying not so great qualities and you have the potential for explosive situations. it is possible to meet and socialize entirely online but oftentimes folks put too much stock into listing desirable attributes of a potential mate and being able to custom order that person. that's not real life. in the real world you meet people and you're either ok with their not so great qualities or not. my husband isn't perfect but he has many of the attributes i was looking for in a mate. it's been my experience that online dating can work if those involved are willing to be honest about themselves otherwise you're merely chatting with a fantasy.
ReplyDeleteHey Capones Mom,
ReplyDeleteI too am like you. I have never made friendships that exist exclusively through cyberspace. I also have a “do not trust” motto that I go by. The fact that people can create themselves to be anyone they want to be on the internet disturbs me. It is hard to read into what a person is communicating about if you can’t see them. I really rely on nonverbal behavior. In fact, I just watched a television show called Lie to me. It was pretty interesting how the characters in the show can distinguish if a person is telling the truth. On the internet it is impossible to really know who you are communicating with. There can be so many lies that can be told, I guess I just don’t want to put in the effort because I am content with the friends I surround myself with. As for your friend who made an acquaintance online and had a bad experience. I hear about situations like this all the time. In fact, it happened to my husband’s cousin.
I think a lot of people feel like you do about how it is hard to trust something you can’t see in front of your face – and it may not even be safe to do so. I think that everybody lies about something when they are using an online persona, some peoples lies are just bigger than others (ie married or single, etc). When I was younger my friend and I would go into chat rooms and play around and we always said we were older than we actually were. Things like that can be really dangerous, but at other times I think it’s provides a heathy escape for people to act like somebody else, even for a bit.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that it is really dangerous to meet people online, because often times they are not who they claim to be. Shows like the ones you mentioned in your blog really capture the craziness that exists online. However, not every relationship that exists in cyberspace actually gets carried over to meeting in real life. I mentioned on another blog that I am a mother so I know find myself frequenting websites or blogs that have to do with parenting. These networks have people from all over the country that I have befriended, but probably will never meet in person. The danger of cyber relationships does exist, however to be safe rather than sorry I'll take your advice and never meet in person!
ReplyDeleteI think that it's understandable that you wont be able to trust a person who you meet in cyberspace but it's not entirely different than meeting someone in person. You have the same risks of meeting someone who lies to you to your face. The only thing that someone can really lie about online that they can't lie about in person is their looks which probably ties into their self esteem issues.
ReplyDeleteThere have been studies that show that people disclose more through online relationships because they feel more comfortable. When people disclose more about themselves, they reach deeper levels of intimacy.
So I bet there are a lot people who mislead others when trying to find a mate but I don' think all cases are extreme as what happen to your friend.
wow, that's a very great story to show and prove how online relationships are very tricky and hard to believe. Trust I believe is the foundation of any relationship and it's very hard to trust without f2f. It's a risk we take especially online to meet people, they may be or not at all what they claim to take, but i'm sure through your friend's experience we can all learn that there are extreme bad experiences and prove how it is hard. I hope that your friend will be ok. Online is a scary yet awesome place but without the reality of face to face it becomes hard and very challenging
ReplyDeleteI agree people fake themselves online, but thats where you have to take your position and knowing this not get to far ahead thats how I look at it. The online medium just makes it easier to lie and exaggerate and people should think very hard when creating online relationships because of those factors. OVerall though ones personality has to do alot with being able to create and have online friendships.
ReplyDeleteHi Capoon
ReplyDeleteI read your post this week and thought it was interesting. I too havnt formed and friendships soley through the internet. Most of my cyber space relationships have been formed in the past through school or work. There are many crazy people out there in Cyberspace. It is quite easy for anyone to pretend to be someone completely different then who they really are. Watching shows like Dateline Nbc don’t only prove that there are many perverts and crazy people out there who use the internet to do harm. The example that you gave of your friend is horrible. I don’t know of anyone personally who has had a similar incident as yours but I do know of many people who have had bad experiences because of the internet.